What My Twins Taught Me About Partnership Dynamics
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When my twin daughters were young, their favorite playdate lineup was the two of them and one friend. If you’re a parent, you know what came next: instant triangle.
Sometimes it was beautiful. Certain kids naturally knew how to include both sisters, share ideas, and make sure everyone felt seen.
Other times, just as quickly, two would run off, deep in shared imagination, leaving the third standing there wondering how the connection shifted so fast.
That dynamic doesn’t stay on the playground.
It shows up in business partnerships all the time.
When a Third Person Enters the System
A strong partnership can hum along—aligned, collaborative, in a steady rhythm.
Then a third person enters: a key hire, a family member, a strategic advisor, a trusted employee.
Suddenly the energy shifts.
The newcomer sees the world through one partner’s eyes more naturally. Ideas align. They start talking more frequently. Decisions get made in new triangles rather than in the original partnership.
The other partner feels it, but can’t quite name it:
left out, frustrated, unsure when the shift began.
Nothing explosive. Nothing dramatic.
Just a slow erosion of direct connection.
This Is What Triangulation Looks Like
In family systems theory, triangulation happens when tension between two people gets redirected through a third. The third becomes the buffer, or the ally, instead of the relationship being tended to directly.
In partnerships, this often emerges when hard conversations are being avoided.
Not intentionally. Not maliciously.
Just human nature trying to bypass discomfort.
Left unchecked, it can chip away at trust and effectiveness. And in a business partnership, trust is the operating system. When it degrades, the business feels it.
How to Course Correct
If something feels “off” in a core partnership, zoom out and ask:
- Could this be triangulation?
- When did this pattern begin?
- Which conversations have we been avoiding?
- What do I need to address directly, and with whom?
- What agreements would help us stay in alignment when dynamics shift?
Strong partnerships aren’t defined by never having tension.
They’re defined by how partners return to one another. How they hold each other in direct relationship — especially when a third voice enters the room.
If you’ve been sensing a shift or noticing a recurring pattern that leaves one partner in the margins, it may be time to have the real conversation.
And if it feels hard to name or navigate?
That’s what partnership coaching is for.
Reach out — I can help you step back into clarity and collaboration.
Two is company, three can be… a growth moment — if you choose to stay in relationship.
