“What’s Your ‘Come From’ Place?” (And Why It Matters for Leaders)
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This is one of my go-to questions when a client isn’t sure whether they’re making the right decision.
Recently, a client came to me right after his annual performance review. Once again, it felt like a waste of time. Despite another year of strong results and meaningful challenges, he didn’t feel seen or supported. There was no real appreciation, no constructive feedback, and no curiosity about his growth.
Frustrated, he asked:
“Should I put more effort into my relationship with my boss? Or should I just focus on my work and my team and not worry about it?”
He wanted to do the right thing and walk his talk as a leader. But what is the right thing?
As a coach, my role isn’t to give him the answer—it’s to help him discern what’s right for him, in his context, at this moment. Timing matters. Motivation matters. So does where the decision is coming from.
That’s where the “come from” question comes in:
“If you decide to work on the relationship, what would your come from place be?”
Would it come from obligation or resentment? From a desire to grow? From wanting to prove something? Each of those starting points leads to a very different outcome.
We explored further:
- Is there a “should” driving this decision?
- How angry or disappointed are you right now?
- Given that you can’t make your boss do something she doesn’t want to do, how likely is this effort to make a difference?
- How much does this relationship impact your ability to lead effectively?
It might be the right move to invest in the relationship—or it might drain energy from more meaningful work.
Ultimately, I want my clients to strengthen their capacity to notice where their decisions are coming from: are they grounded or reactive?
A few steps to help you find your ‘come from’ place:
➡️ Release the emotions first.
➡️ Check whether your head, heart, and body are in alignment.
➡️ Clarify the outcome you want.
➡️ Ask how realistic that outcome is—and what it will take to get there.
These simple steps help you get centered, access your deeper wisdom, and make decisions that align with who you are and what the situation truly needs.
So, how do you know when you’re deciding from a grounded place?
